This is good because.....
It’s easy to look past things like sunlight and a shower when everything feels like it’s crumbling around you. But perhaps that’s the point.
The last few months have been a particularly odd kind of hard. They’ve been sad and angry and lonely, yet they’ve somehow been easier than the kind of hard I was experiencing before. I’ve traded one discomfort for another — and this discomfort has been preferable, my energy and aliveness being shored up instead of expended on a relationship that was feeling unsustainable.
It’s been a time filled with lots of walking, lots of alone time, lots of journaling, lots of cooking, lots of sleeping, lots of thinking and feeling and breathing. Cocooning.
There’s always ice cream in the freezer and I have a bowl literally every night. Sundae and Pretzel sleep snug against my legs on either side of me, sprawled out in the bed with newfound space. I’ve become a nighttime showerer again and revel in my post-dinner routine, getting into bed feeling clean and refreshed. My hair stylist chopped a few inches of my hair and I feel lighter, freer. My nephew Brooks has been visiting from Montana for the past month and I take every opportunity I can to get all the baby snuggles and giggles.
All this goodness. Existing right alongside the sad and angry and lonely. (Grief is so tricky.)
There’s this thing I’ve been doing that’s been helping. And it feels silly to even type because it’s so enormously simple, but I’m going to type it all the same. It’s an exercise from my favorite brain training specialist: When things are going well, you say to yourself, “This is good because _____.” And you fill in the blank with things like “it’s the perfect temperature out today” or “I’m getting to work on time this morning” or “I got to talk with my friend which was lovely” or “my coffee is particularly delicious today.” You really dig in and savor the moment of things being good, focusing on all the details and using all of your senses.
Things like this really help my brain. The literal-ness and direct-ness of it is exactly what I need. The bonding in my system is deeply entrenched — meaning, the pathways in my brain have been worn well into ruts that take a lot of work to get out of. Having frameworks and structures that guide me out are so crucial for me to form new pathways and keep me on solid ground. So while part of me thinks, “Sure, it’s easy to notice when things are good, this is no big deal,” it actually is a big deal. Being able to pause when I’m taking an early evening shower, to savor the golden-hour sunlight filtering in through the blinds and feel the cool water on my skin and breathe in the lavender soap and appreciate the very small things that are actually very big things? This is, in fact, a very big deal.
There was a time when I didn’t think this mattered. Depression for me often manifests as a very “So what?” kind of vibe and it’s easy to look past things like sunlight and a shower when everything feels like it’s crumbling around you. But perhaps that’s the point — everything isn’t crumbling around me, not really. I am safe and fed and able to take a peaceful shower and while there may be a lot that’s out of my control (going through a breakup and my lease not being renewed literally happening at the same time hasn’t been ideal), there is still good. It might just take more effort to intentionally notice it.
I’ve been doing this regularly and I swear it helps. I can’t help but chuckle as I hear myself saying, “This is good because…..” out loud to no one in particular as I’m cooking dinner or taking my morning walk or sitting on the couch crocheting. I find myself noticing more and more, and noticing more often, too. It feels empowered and joyful and like I’m reclaiming my life.
This might be a hard chapter. But this is good, too.
“This is temporary” temp tats on sale through Monday!
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The tattoo is temporary — but so is this moment. Keep a reminder on your arm or wrist that this chapter won’t last forever — whether good, bad, or anywhere in between.
Choose from sets of 10 or 20. Head over to Instagram or Facebook for more details!
And the summer manifestos are back!
A favorite summer tradition. As always, download yours for free in my online shop!
I picture the space opening up in your life and this is good because it is easier to breathe. Sending love and gratitude for you, as you are, any and every moment.