Do not abandon yourself. Notice if you’ve left your body and return to it with a breath, and then another one, and then another one. Tell yourself, “I am here.” Place your hand on your cheek, or your heart, or your leg. Stay with yourself.
You are not alone. It may feel like you are, when you’re putting yourself to bed at 8:30pm or not leaving your house all day or making your journal your closest confidante, but I promise you, you’re not.
Go outside. Much like with babies and dogs, going outside always makes things better. Listen for birds or wind or laughter, without filling the space with podcasts or music or phone calls. Notice, notice, notice.
This is temporary. For better or for worse, nothing lasts forever. Ride out the waves and remember that everything passes. Eventually the feeling will morph into another, and another, and another.
Look for small slivers of light. It might just be a tiny crack in the darkness, but it will be miraculous. When things feel 100% bad, a 2% shift can be monumental. Keep your heart open and wait for the light. It will come.
Let yourself cry. The shower tends to be an optimal place, when you’re already wet and the sound is muffled and there’s no screens or distractions to take you out of your feelings. Let yourself feel it all. Stomp your feet, or double over, or sit down. Do what you need.
This is an opportunity. When things fall away, you aren’t left with much. Look around inside the nothingness and decide what the meaning of your life is. Before everything else rushes back in again, ask yourself What do I want, really?
Meeting your own needs is vital. Make the decision to meet them. Fiercely protect them. Of course, there is often work and chores and other living beings to care for, but it’s okay to be unabashedly selfish, too. It’s necessary, actually. Choose yourself.
You don’t need to have it all figured out. In fact, you probably won’t and might not ever have it all figured out. Let go of the outcome. Stop trying to control it all. You can do all the things and try as hard as you can and still, life might have other ideas. Let it be out of your control, for now. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Just being here is enough.
Remember that you always have you. You might not always have a job or a home or a partner or a family or a summer vacation, but you always have you. Don’t go anywhere. Be with yourself. Speak kindly and care tenderly. You still have you.
Repeat, repeat, repeat.
xo
Yes yes yes
You have written many beautiful and poignant pieces over the years. This is one of your most special. Thank you for sharing your well-earned wisdom in words, friend.